Shacking Up: The Good

Part 2: The Good

If you read my previous post, Shacking Up: The Bad, then you know the story of my abusive relationship with what was at the time my fiance. After an experience like that you would think a person would have to be crazy to move in with another man without being married to him. I would have to disagree with that though. My abuser taught me that you don’t know a person until you’ve lived under the same roof with them. After I left my abuser and moved back home with my daughter on my hip and my son in my belly I decided to focus on working and taking care of my children. I did date and have boyfriends but it wasn’t until 2015 that I met the man who is now my fiance. A month into the relationship we had met each others parents and children. Three months into the relationship we were in love. Eight months into the relationship we were engaged. Things were getting serious and I knew that one day I would be living with this man. We would be bound together legally and a legal relationship is a lot harder to get out of than a civil one. I decided that it was a good idea for the two of us to move in together. I made sure that I had a place in line that i could move into if things didn’t work out and I made the move. I wanted to know who it was that I had planned to marry. I needed to know how he reacted in stressful situations, how he handled finances and household issues, how he interacted with my kids on a full time basis, I wanted to know as much as possible about what it would be like to live with this man before I made a legal commitment. This was a must for me because I didn’t want to relive the situation with my abuser. My fiance and I have been living together for going on seven months now and I’m not seeing any signs of abusive behavior. We have our arguments just like any other couple but he doesn’t use violence to get his point across. He knows about my previous relationship and is very understanding of my feelings toward intense arguments. He doesn’t even play fight because he know that it bothers me. I’m happy with the choice I made because I know exactly what Im getting into by marrying this man. Imagine if I had married my abuser before moving in with him and discovering that he was a violent, angry man. The thought makes my stomach turn. I say all of that to say this, living with your partner before marriage is not always a bad thing, its good to know what kind of person you’re dealing with before making a a decision to marry them. I do suggest having a back up plan when you do move in with your partner though. Never leave yourself without the option to leave immediately if need be. I hope my experiences will help someone else who may be going through things.

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