Day 5: A time you thought about ending your own life

I think the time when I really seriously considered ending my own life was about 8 years ago. I was almost 19 and a few months pregnant with my oldest child. I was living with my kids dad in Charlotte NC. I didn’t know anyone except his family and my coworkers. The abuse began shortly after I found out I was pregnant. At first it was just verbal. It got physical when I was about 3 months pregnant and decided that I was not willing to give up my child by abortion or adoption like he wanted me to. I felt like I had nowhere to turn. I had moved out against my parents will and felt I couldn’t go back home so I stayed. The smallest things would set him off and all that anger would be taken out on me. I wasn’t allowed to go out with my coworkers, he went through my phone to see who I was talking to, I couldn’t leave the apartment unless he was with me. I wanted to die so bad. Once he choked me to the point of passing out. I was about 2 months pregnant with my 2nd child at that time. I remember running to the closet with my then 7 month old daughter in my arms. Using my body to shield her and my stomach. That didn’t stop him from kicking me continually in the back. I left that May when he swung to hit me and scratched my daughter. That was the last straw. He left for work and I broke down and called my dad. My whole family made the 4 hour drive that night to come and get me and my daughter. I was in that relationship for 2 years. I put a blade to my wrist several times during those two years. I’ve been out of the situation for 5 years now and I don’t regret leaving. Not one bit.

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